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I see darkness, she sees light and she somehow finds her way

I see what's wrong with love she sees whats right and she takes me to that place

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doubledoublebby

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November 28th, 2006

Today Erin and I just sat around, waiting for our men to call, to text, to care. They didn't, they never do. So we shouldn't care... right?

They weren't suposed to mean anything, but now they mean everything. It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how many guys I'm with, I'm always thinking of him. No matter what I'm doing he's on my mind. And when he's not, he's not far behind. Soon a song will play, an image will pop to mind, a phrase will be said, and suddenly I'm back there.

Why do we want the ones we cant have? We can't settle for others wanting us. No it has to be them. I would say it's the chase, we like being chased. We've been caught, just without being chased by them. The others don't matter. they can chase us and catch us as much as they like. And we'll play along.... for a while.

I know that having him in my life is just setting me up for more pain, but maybe I like the pain. I always admired those who could move on from man to man. I always thought I was one. But I've been stopped in my tracks. Not out of love, love isn't suposed to go like this. No, not love... want, lust, need...? I don't know exactly what it is.

No one can make me madder or happier, more scared or more safe, more alone or more comforted than he can. No one can make me, shape me, or break me...no one except him...

November 26th, 2006

She's fifteen and he's barely driving a car
She's got his ring and he's got the keys to her heart
It's just matter of time
They'll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it, love says they will

There's a baby crying and one more on the way
There's a wolf at the door with a big stack of bills
They can't pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it, love says they will

She's eighty-three and he's barely driving a car
She's got his ring and he's got the key to her heart
It's just a matter of time
They'll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it, love says they will

November 2nd, 2006

idk. name it yourself

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Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by
And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky

She's forty-one and her daddy still calls her "baby"
All the folks around Brownsville say she's crazy
'Cause she walks around town with a suitcase in her hand
Looking for a mysterious dark-haired man

In her younger days they called her Delta Dawn
Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on
Then a man of low degree stood by her side
And promised her he'd take her for his bride

i'm having real epiphanies now. thank you katy, i mean i always kinda knew why i was the way i am. but i'm getting it more i guess. more in depth. and i guess i like that.

anyways, not that that matter. i'm goin to The Vegas babby! woo hoo!! take the good with the bad, smile at the sad. remember what you had and be grateful for what you have. hmmm. not to good at this whole memorie stuff. im sure its acctually pretty good. lol.

October 22nd, 2006

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i'm happy... idk why. just thought everyone should kno. i'm happy. like a drunken passed out erin. lol. god i love halloween. idk since when but i do love it now. hehe.

October 12th, 2006

only that sounds slightly romantic. and this post os deffinatly not that. So this kid in my english paper is going to lead to either my death or his! he's worked with me like 5 times and doesn't know my name is rude, and thinks he knows everything. ive decided that i need to become more forgetful. i remember peoples names but no one rememebers mine. im i really that shadowy. i was thinking about it since high school people have always called me rebecca or nicole or katy or shannon. and not just once... a lot of times. they never seem to get it right. peers, teachers. im suprised my fuckin family doesn't do it. but me, i dont forget names very often or faces. everyone i meet means something to me. so why don't i mean something to other people?

some people pretend to recognize me and never say my name (cuz they don't know it) or some don't even have the curteosy to do that. for god sake my english teacher got after chris for not knowing my name... but she thinks my names nicole! id even settle for marie or rachelle. at least they'd be close.

so this guy chris is all offened at me looking over his paper even though thats what im suposed to do. after im done he takes it and goes and sits on the other side of class im like whateva. then he doesnt know my name when the teacher asks him who is partner is. then we get put in groups and my subject is college pressure. chris seems to think that there is none. i explaine that there is if you go away from home. he says that he spent like 15 days with a friend up at uc riverside and there was no pressure up there. and he should kno because he was up there so long. i was like dip shit i was IN COLLEGE FOR A FUCKIN YEAR!!!! i think i know a tad bit better than you! asshole. anyways finally this gir rebekah and josh backed me up. i was like if you don't believe in this subject why the hell are you here.

then to make things a tad bit worse this week i got honked at while crossing the street and i wasn't even in the guys lane i was already accross. then some kid yelled out the car window at me on tues that i was fat. im like thanks for that update buddy. i was wonderin what all this weight was. thats why i hate moorpark. its a small town and people judge. i feel like im constanty on display. like the smallest move i make will be reported and gossiped about. every tiny infraction. because it was for so many years....

i really need to get drunk!

September 6th, 2006

Every day in lunch in the High School
All of my senior year
I'd drink my Coca-Cola with a touch of Everclear.
I never had to study math, science or history.
I'd have a chemical flashback to jog my memory.

In my junior year, I swore i loved sweet miss Cherry Ann.
One night I put some Everclear, in her Dr. Pepper can.
I thought it'd make her easy, but she took it pretty hard.
I took her home and rang her doorbell, left her lying in the yard.

Tequila dries me out.
And beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nautious tell me who the hell needs that.
Well if you're thinking about drinking, than the answer's crystal clear.
It's the invisible intoxicant, it's called Everclear.

I remember my church picnic, in the Spring of '89.
Yeah they had four fresh watermelons, sliced right of the vine.
When they bowed their heads, giving grace for the food.
I poured out my bottle and soaked them melons good
They never know what hit 'em, when the potion went to work.
There were grandmas doing backflips, grandpas lookin' up their skirts.
They were singin' ALELLUIA, and Willie Nelson songs.
Preacher said it was the best damn picnic that the Baptists had ever thrown.

Tequila dries me out.
And beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nautious tell me who the hell needs that.
Well if you're thinking about drinking, than the answer's crystal clear.
It's the invisible intoxicant, it's called Everclear.

When I'm drinking Everclear, I think I'm king of this whole world.
I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne and cooler than Steve Earle.
Until I wake up, and I'm face down in the hall.
Hey I'm completely naked, for a reason I can't recall.
Well I'm kinda sorta thinking, that maybe I met a chick.
Cause there's perfume in the air and lipstick on my neck.
Well I hope that she was pretty and I hope that she was kind
enough to leave my clothes somewhere easy to find.

Tequila dries me out.
And beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nautious tell me who the hell needs that.
Well if you're thinking about drinking, than the answer's crystal clear.
It's the invisible intoxicant, it's called Everclear.


WOW texas was awesome and def rox my sox! A lot of good times to think back on

August 31st, 2006

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i gave in.... honestly...
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